OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
