too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
