I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
