I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
