Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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