Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
