I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
