if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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