he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
