Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
