so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
