If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
