the condom got lost in my hair
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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