Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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