It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
