You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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