Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize