She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
