Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Let's paint friendship bongs
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
