She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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