so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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