i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
