Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His hands were made for my vagina.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize
