HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
