i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
