I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
