Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We need to get me chipped asap
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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