At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
