Buhtt sex?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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