my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
