Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
