I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
