FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize