butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He felt like a one man threesome
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
