If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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