Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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