Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It was confusing and full of hummus
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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