need another drink. this is the easiest way
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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