hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
