fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
