She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
