My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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