I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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