so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
