I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
