Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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