I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
