I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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