The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
