I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
