i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
