after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
