Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
