You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
