Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
