If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
