He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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