also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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