i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
