He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
