You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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