Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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