You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
