Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I didn't shave. On purpose
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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