If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
