Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
