New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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