The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize