i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
