clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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