What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
