this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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