she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
