So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize