There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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