Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
